


your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

by bydayorbynight



Series: would it be okay if I came home to you? [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29157036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bydayorbynight/pseuds/bydayorbynight
Summary: “You’re the only thing that ever made Earth feel like home to me, Alex. And I just want you to know that I’m thankful for that even if I don’t say it.”It felt so real now. Alex knew he should have been gratified to hear it. But he knew what it meant. That was the kind of thing you said when you knew you were never going to see the other person again.—Michael is ready to leave the planet. Alex doesn’t want him to go.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: would it be okay if I came home to you? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135127
Comments: 15
Kudos: 66





	your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bubblesyoh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubblesyoh/gifts).



> Prompt by bubblesyoh: “I'm thankful for that even if I don't say it.”
> 
> Let’s just say this is set in a nebulous, maladjusted future.

“You’re leaving?”

Michael turned around slowly, eyes closed as he summoned the strength to get through the storm of a now unavoidable conversation. The less he saw of Alex’s face, the better. Easier to go.

“Yeah. Turns out Mr. Jones is good for something besides mind games.”

He had made the decision alone, and that was by design. Surely he deserved some measure of celebratory happiness for achieving his lifetime goal of building a fucking spaceship before having to think about the sad stuff, things he’d rather avoid.

The bunker was almost cleaned out. They’d had a lot of conversations in there, intimate, mostly fraught conversations, but for the first time their voices echoed eerily off the concrete walls. Distant.

“When?” Until his heart dislodged from his throat, there were only so many words Alex could force out.

“Soon. Few days, probably.” 

Alex felt cold suddenly, like a flame within he never knew existed had been snuffed out.

“Um, wow. You’re really doing this.”

“I mean, it’s only been like 15 years in the making. I never thought I’d actually finish it, but...” Michael held his arms out as if to explain.

“Why?” Alex supposed he knew, but he needed to hear it out loud. To make it real.

Michael looked down and breathed out, something like anger creeping into the edges of his calculated but precarious stoicism. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Alex. It’s never really clicked, me being here. Like I’m missing a part of myself or something. So, who knows? Maybe I’ll find it there. It’s not like I have much to lose.”

“What about Max and Isobel?”

_What about me?,_ was what he wanted to say. He knew he had no right.

“We talked about it. I’ll miss them, but they understand.”

It had been bad enough when they’d cast themselves halfway across the world from each other, but this? This was on a newly unfathomable level. It was probably the last time they’d ever see each other, hear each other, even hear _about_ each other. Alex came to the startling realization that he wouldn’t even know if Michael was dead—would never know, left to wonder about it forever. 

He wanted to talk him out of it. Ask him to stay. Hell, get on his knees and _beg_ him to stay. But as soon as the thought formed, it evaporated on his tongue. 

Instead, he reached for something a little more accessible.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

_So much_.

“That...things were so bad for you here.” He was apologizing on behalf of humanity, but also for himself.

Michael softened at the look in Alex’s eyes. He hated how Alex was always taking the blame for things he had no business taking on.

It hit him all at once that this was it, this was the last time. Him and Alex. He had wanted to slip away quietly and let their relationship fade to black, but now Alex was here. The shield Michael was holding up had been his final defense, but it had become too heavy to carry, and he released it with a sigh and a slight smile.

“You’re the only thing that ever made Earth feel like home to me, Alex. And I just want you to know that I’m thankful for that even if I don’t say it.”

It felt so real now. Alex knew he should have been gratified to hear it. But he knew what it meant. That was the kind of thing you said when you knew you were never going to see the other person again.

“You don’t have to say that.”

“The summer we met, it changed my life, okay? When I think about all the bad shit that’s happened, it still led me to you, so I’m not complaining. I’ll always remember the good times. But I’ve got to start leaving past things in the past. And sure, there was a time when I thought we could work things out, but, you know...” Michael trailed off. No need to call attention to all that had happened since, not to mention the Forrest-shaped elephant in the room.

“What?” It was like if Alex kept him talking, he wouldn’t go. He knew it wasn’t true, but he didn’t know what else to do, standing there with nothing to offer but a temporary distraction.

“I don’t think it was ever supposed to be that hard. You figured it out before I did, and I’m happy for you, I really am. But I need to move forward now.” Michael slapped his hand down on the bare work table to signal the conversation was over, but he looked up at Alex, almost as a challenge. _What else you got?_

“I don’t want you to go,” Alex finally said. It was weak, pathetic. And true.

Michael didn’t react. Then, a flash of fury, nostrils flared.

“You do _not_ get to say that to me now.”

“I know. I’m not asking you to stay for me, obviously.” Alex shook his head, feeling the last vestiges of composure leave his body. “But it’s the only thing I _can_ say. It’s the only thing I can _think_ about right now.”

Michael laughed in disbelief, temper rising again. “All these years, all those times I wanted you to want me back. Should’ve known all I had to do was threaten to leave the planet...”

“ _Of course_ it shouldn’t have come to this. And I’m sorry that it did.” Alex swallowed thickly. “Look, we’ve made so many mistakes up until now. Some of those things, we got through. Some of those things, we fixed. And, you’re right. We haven’t been able to fix everything. But this is the one thing, the _only_ thing, you’re not going to be able to take back. You will never be able to fix this.”

Michael shrugged with a tilt of his head. “There’s nothing left to fix, Alex. You’re happy. You’re in love. And I’m going home.”

Alex felt so many things at once. But what he needed were words. And it was now or never.

“Everything changed for me that summer too, you know. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I loved you.” Alex’s voice was distant as he gazed into some middle space between them. It was as if he could see clearly their first meeting. Their first kiss. Their first goodbye.

Michael was quiet, analyzing Alex’s face with an unsettling intensity.

“‘Loved’, huh?” He pressed his lips together into a defensive smirk.

“What?”

“You loved me? Or you love me? Which is it, Alex?”

Alex opened his mouth before he knew what would come out.

“I...love you.”

It was the most unplanned of confessions, a surprise to even himself as he started to unravel what it really meant.

But most of all to Michael, who had yet to emerge from the depths of skepticism, even though he had been the one to force Alex’s hand. There had always been a cost to Michael’s easy acceptance, but he couldn’t help but let himself hope. “If you’re saying this to keep me from going, it’s not going to work.”

“I’m not trying to stop you.” Alex felt clearheaded for the first time since he’d entered the bunker.

Michael waited quietly for the catch.

“Because I’m coming with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Thunder by Boys Like Girls


End file.
